Crush Culture Test

 

Last year, I published the first version of this test, which I promised to updated every Valentine’s Day.

I decided to make a page for it because it will make things much easier for me to update.

Before taking this test, you need to know one thing. Namely, my “official” definition of Crush Culture, and what some misconceptions of it may be.

I define Crush Culture as the following:

A culture that excuses, overlooks, and in some cases, encourages the act of pressuring potential, current, or even former lovers to do certain things, with the promise of punishing those potential, current, or former lovers if they do not act accordingly.

Simply put, if you believe that there is nothing wrong with making a potential/current/former lover guilty for not doing something with you, your actions have been dictated by Crush Culture.

Pressuring anybody to do anything is not good no matter what. “But I’m in love!” is not an excuse. “But we’re married!” is not an excuse. “But I still like them!” is not an excuse.

One thing I want to do is create a brand that encourages people to adopt a “live and let live” approach to anything and everything. This includes dating, sex, and relationships.

In fact, I would argue that a lot of the problems we are seeing when it comes to sexual relations stem from Crush Culture.

Misconceptions about Crush Culture

No, I am not the type to say “you can’t ever like someone or enjoy someone’s company! That’s wrong!”

You can enjoy someone’s company without pressuring them to do things.

It’s something I say on every first date I’ve been on in the last three or so years, possibly longer:

“I can promise exactly two things: Good company and good sex. That’s all I want from you as well. Does that sound good?”

I say this very early into my first dates. You should too.

And no, I’m not demonizing marriage or monogamy. I merely know that marriage does not make people happy in the long term, because 15 years ago, I took classes in school that showed hard data on this. This was before you could Google your way to a Social Science degree. The truth is in the statistics and figures do not lie. Look for yourself if you want.

This does not mean I’m going to say that somebody is a bad person or something because they are married. I will say to them that somewhere down the road, this marriage will eventually pressure you to do things you don’t want to do and that is their fault, but I’m still supportive of everybody I know who is in a monogamous marriage or relationship.

No, I’m not going to be mad if you use the silly terms we use for people we enjoy hanging out with and having sex with. Yes, I do think these terms are silly. There is no such thing as a “girlfriend” or “husband.” These are just weird names that we give to people who we like to hang out and have sex with (and live with, on some occasion).

No, I do not think you are a bad person if you accidentally pressure a potential/current/former lover to do things. We are programmed this way and that is the entire point of this test: To make you aware of what you are doing.

It is the people who intentionally do this stuff, knowing that it is malicious (like me, in high school) who I dislike.

Am I trying to “destroy the institution of marriage” and build an army of people who only want friends with benefits and nothing else? No! My only intent for attacking Crush Culture is to make people aware of how toxic romantic relationships can become. That is all. There are plenty of examples of happy, positive romantic relationships where one person isn’t relying on the other for esteem.

That said, on with the test!

Different than my POS Test, which will get updated twice yearly, this will be updated every Valentine’s Day (if necessary). The components of crush culture do not change as much as collectivism in that there are not as many new issues that come up that I can make questions about.

The higher your score out of 100, the more likely you are to look towards potential/current/former partners to make you happy, and the more likely you are to pressure a potential/current/former partner to do things with you to make you happy, even if this is at their expense.

Scoring high on this does not mean you are a bad person! It just means you might be placing too much emotional stake on potential/current/former partners.

Some of these questions only pertain to a certain sex or status, so look at questions carefully so that you do not answer extra questions.

Also, I am assuming that everybody taking this test is heterosexual, since that is who my brand is aimed at. But feel free to take this if you are LGBT.

With that being said, here we go! Have fun.

Age and Sex:

A. Under 25, male (4)
B. Under 25, female (2)
C. 25-30, male (4)
D. 25-30, female (2)
E. Over 30, male (10)
F. Over 30, female (8)

Marital status:

A. Single and I don’t mind (1)
B. Single and I hate it (6)
C. In a relationship/married, but it is open/not serious (3)
D. In a relationship, and it is serious (6)
E. Married (10)

Have you uttered the following statement: “If this person becomes my partner, they will save me from myself”

A. Yes (8)
B. No (2)

Do you look to people you are romantically attracted to for happiness?

A. Yes (8)
B. No (2)

(Single people only) How many people have you invited out on a date in the last year?

A. Do not know, I have lost track (2)
B. I know exactly who I invited, when, how, etc… (6)

(Single people only) How many people do you typically invite out on a date per week, if you are actively pursuing a partner (spend more than 5 hours a week pursuing)?

A. Less than 10 (8)
B. 10-20 (5)
C. At least 20 (2)

Marriage is:

A. Something our society needs to stay healthy (8)
B. Something I desire (6)
C. Antiquated and unnecessary for a couple (3)

(Males only) It is more ethical to overvalue a woman than it is to view her as a “sex object.”

A. Yes (5)
B. No (5)
C. These are the same, and I refuse to do either one (2)

(Females only) It is more ethical to overvalue a man than it is to view him as a “human ATM.”

A. Yes (5)
B. No (5)
C. These are the same, and I refuse to do either one (2)

(Answer only if in a relationship) Do you believe that it is permissible to have as much access to your partner’s contact devices (e-mail, phone, social networking accounts etc.) as they do?

A. Yes (8)
B. No (2)

Do you agree with this statement: “Because I am in a serious relationship with this person, they are obligated to do certain things with me. If they do not do these things, then they are a bad partner.” (Answer only if in a relationship)

A. Yes (8)
B. No (2)

(Men Only) Women can be won over by saying nice things to them and buying them things. If I do these things and the woman I like is not attracted doesn’t have sex with me, or doesn’t take care of me, there is something wrong with her.

A. Agree (8)
B. Disagree (2)

(Women Only) Because I am having sex with my boyfriend/husband, they are obligated to treat me to fancy dates, buy me things, and generally provide for me, even if I do not treat them well. If they do not do this, they are a bad partner.

A. Agree (8)
B. Disagree (2)

What are your opinions on open relationships?

A. They are immoral! (8)
B. They may or may not work, but they are not for me (5)
C. They do work, and I prefer them (2)

(Relationship only) You are in a serious relationship and you catch your partner with someone else. Your response?

A. Leave them, insult them on social media, try to get access to their money and other stuff that is important to them. Do all you can to make their life a living hell. (10)
B. Leave them without trying to make their life a living hell. (5)
C. Ask if they want to continue the relationship as an open relationship, if you still trust them and feel like there is still value in the relationship (3)

(Single only) You just finished up a first date. What are your next actions?

A. Excitedly call/write them, and immediately plan the second date. Announce on social media that you have met your future long term partner. For all you know, this person is your partner now, no matter what they think (6)
B. Call/write them, plan the second date, and continue to look for potential suitors. This person is a partner in progress (4)
C. Wait some time to call/write, and continue to look for potential suitors (2)

In the last year, have you pleasured yourself to pictures of someone you like?

A. Yes (8)
B. No (2)

In the last year, have you sought out performers who resemble the person you have a crush on when you watch adult videos?

A. Yes (5)
B. No (2)

My overall happiness is greatly affected by how successful I am with the opposite sex.

A. Agree (10)
B. Disagree (2)

No matter what, there is always someone better for me out there. And there is always someone better than me out there.

A. Agree (2)
B. Disagree (5)

You just had sex with someone new. You enjoyed the sex as well as the company. What do you do next?

A. Don’t have sex with anyone else, and try your best to try to have sex with them again. Exceitedly announce that you have met your new long term partner on social media. (6)
B. Do your best to have sex with them again, but continue to pursue others (4)
C. Do not try to have sex with them again, and continue to pursue others (2)

(Relationship only) Your partner wants you to quit your job (or find a job that they think would result in more time with them). You recently got a massive promotion or raise. What do you do?

A. Belligerently tell them that you just got a promotion/raise, and they will need to deal with it (5)
B. Leave them (2)
C. Leave the job immediately so they can be happy (8)

What are your thoughts on divorce?

A. It should be illegal! No child should need to go through that! Couples need to stay together no matter how bad it gets! There’s a reason they say “Until death do us part!” (10)
B. If it is necessary it is necessary, but it needs to be handled in a way where nobody is significantly hurt (4)
C. Divorce? Hah! Marriage in and of itself should be illegal! (2)

You enjoy sex. The person you just went out with wants to “wait a while” before having sex. You enjoy this person’s company but do want to have sex with them. What do you do?

A. Wait as long as necessary to have sex, making sure not to meet anybody else. Anything to make this person happy. (8)
B. Make a move as soon as possible. Sometimes you need to just let your potential partner where you’re coming from. Who cares about their boundaries? (8)
C. Keep seeing them, making small moves but nothing crazy, but also date others. This person is not your partner anyways. (2)

Add up all the points you got from your responses. Remember that there were a few questions that were gender specific as well as marital status specific.

Here’s the summary of the results. And keep in mind that if you score high, it does not mean you are a bad person. It just means you have been been misled by people who believe that overvaluing potential/current/former partners is a good, healthy thing.

In this current age where everyone demands equal treatment and where meeting people is easier than ever, it is not.

90-100 = One word: Hopeless. Those are your romance prospects (if single) or chances at happiness (if in a relationship) if you do not understand how toxic your thinking is. I know you have been raised to believe that you should overvalue the opposite sex as much as possible.

But its wrong. And believe it or not, you are objectifying the opposite sex to a disturbing degree by overvaluing them so much, even if you do not see them as pieces of meat or human ATMs.

89-80 = You aren’t bad, but you aren’t too great either. Unlike the 90-100 crowd, you aren’t accustomed to chasing down people you like until they get uncomfortable. And if you are in a relationship, you have probably resisted the temptation to demand that you check their phone and other stuff.

You still probably struggle with people you have just started dating, however. Remember that just because you went out with someone once does not make them your partner.

79-70 = You’re getting there. You know not to chase people you like until they become uncomfortable and you know that just because you went out with someone once does not make them your current partner. Your major issue comes with new people you have sex with.

If you land in this result field, it likely means if you have sex with someone new, you likely overvalue them. This is a difficult to overcome, and really can only be solved with either experience or a massive rejection (or three) related to this.

69-60 = Now we’re talking. This is a level where most are not at and where most will never get to. Your expectations for new partners are in check, and this is also true for current partners. You don’t beg for your former partners to come back either.

However, there is one small problem. And that’s when you have sex with someone new who is more attractive than the people you are used to having sex with. This is something I have recently had to deal with, and I’ve concluded that it is a self esteem issue.

After all, the most nagging part of crush culture is looking to the opposite sex for esteem. And we live in a world where we are judged by our appearance and the appearances of the people we are with. Because of this, looking to the opposite sex for esteem is an easy thing to place on autopilot.

How can this be addressed? The short answer is to believe that you deserve very attractive people in your life, as long as you are doing your best to improve your appearance and other things that other people find attractive.

Under 59 = When you have decisively solved the problem of looking to the opposite sex for esteem, no matter what they look like, then you have reached this level. I feel like I am close. This is not an easy level to get to, and not many get to this level and stay there.

Many think that the sexually hyperactive are at this level. Well, they would be wrong. While enjoying a diverse sex life is a major component of addressing Crush Culture, being sexually hyperactive usually means you still look to the opposite sex for esteem.

Those in this level look to only one person for esteem: Themselves. And they can do this WITHOUT being arrogant about it.